Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
