Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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