What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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