I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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