And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
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You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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