I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
