before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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