Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
