It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
