She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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