just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
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Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
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We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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