the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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