went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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