I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
