Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
