Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
