and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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