so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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