I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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