She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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