I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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