i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
