she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Randomize
