you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This is my gift to your gina
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
