I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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