He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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