i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
