This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
