i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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