I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
