i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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