so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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