..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My balls are so social today.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
