i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
