I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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