dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You're a waste of cheezeits
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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