CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
