Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
