problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
