You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
