we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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