brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
