considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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