If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
