I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
