I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We need to get me chipped asap
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
