chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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