Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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