the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
