only you would photoshop your dick
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
