I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
