I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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