That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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