You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
