For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
