I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
