I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
that is very illegal...i love you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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