I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
And then my night got REAL pukey
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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