if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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