like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
