You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can I color on your dick again?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
