took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
