I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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