Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
