why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
