hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
