my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
