; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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