I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
