If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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